Mary Cheney's Child

Good for her and Heather. Mary may have failed the community in her silence on gay marriage and other issues within the GOP, but her example of gay family may well go farther than any political positions she may or may not have taken. Not that she's having a baby to make a political point, but it has been my experience as an openly gay man who chose to have a baby (as opposed to a closeted gay man hiding in a sham marriage who has kids) is that children give focus to the true familial nature of gay relationships.

It gives the lie to the notion that gays don't have kids. A large number of us do. True, some will never except that -- including a physician I was debating while my son was still in the womb. He referred to my son as "artificial." Hmm, nothing artificial his mother's morning sickness. And nothing artificial in the thousands of poopy, smelly diapers that have been hurriedly and lovingly changed in the last two years.

And, I would have to guess gay parents on average are probably better parents than our straight cohorts. Why? Simply because we are more likely to have put more pre-thought and planning into the decision even to have a baby. No doubt Mary and Heather spent a great deal of time discussing and agonizing over whether to have a baby and a great deal of time deciding how to go about it. I know we did. I'm equally sure my parents never did. If you're straight you grow up, get married, have kids, end of discussion.

I will admit to having fears about how accepted my son would be within my family. I never doubted my parents would accept him and they have. I was uncertain about my extended family. With the doctor's word "artificial" ringing in my ears, I was worried that my extended family would not really look upon him as one of their own.

I shouldn't have worried. My son is impossible to resist and my family -- regardless of their deeply held "red state" political beliefs -- has a big heart. I was proud to say that on the picture display that my Uncle produced for my Grandmother's funeral, my sons picture was there with the rest of the grandchildren and great grandchildren.

It's a paradox I've noticed...as an out gay man in a conservative family, my family's actions aren't consistent with their political beliefs. One day that paradox will be resolved and it won't be resolved by casting me, my partner and our son out. It will be resolved by abandoning their homophobia. That day may not be tomorrow, but it is on the horizon. And the day will be hastened only when everyone comes out.

So, congratulations Mary Cheney and Heather Poe. May your child be healthy and happy. And may your child do all that mine has done to open hearts to your "non-traditional" family.

This is my son and his Great-Grandmother, taken last Thanksgiving, a year before her death at 93.