100 Things About Me

Here I go, participating in the blogger's right of passage, the "100 Things About Me" meme. Can you think of anything more self-serving than taking the time to make one of these lists? Yet I read them on every Blogger's site who has them.

So here's mine.

1. I’ve been in a relationship for a total of 20 years
2. With the same man.
3. My mother can’t believe someone could stand me for that long.
4. We have a son
5. Our son lives with his mothers in Hawaii and he visits us three times a year
6. I’d rather read than watch TV
7. I have a secret love for the music of John Denver
8. I had surgery when in 5th grade
9. I fear the dentist though I have healthy teeth
10. My Uncle is a dentist.
11. I’m not afraid of my Uncle.
12. I don’t want to try skydiving
13. If I could be any animal character it would be the black panther Bagheera from the Jungle Book – sleek, fast, beautiful, wise and deadly.
14. If I could be any literary character it would be Woodrow Wilson Smith from Time Enough for Love (and other novels).
15. I hate talking on the phone
16. I tend to be a wallflower at bars and parties
17. I have the same initials as my mother: KSB.
18. I’m lactose intolerant
19. I’m highly allergic to cats (making number 13 kind of ironic)
20. I’m a light sleeper
21. I love candles and fires – anything to do with flames
22. I was lucky enough to have all four of my grandparents living as I reached adulthood.
23. I even knew two great grandmothers
24. I totally get Tchaikovsky, Rachmaninoff, Stravinsky, Mahler, Beethoven and Copland
25. Brahms, not so much.
26. I still love reading the actual hard copy Sunday paper while sipping coffee…even though I read the paper online the rest of the week.
27. Once upon a time, I wanted to be a marine biologist
28. I was in love with my best friend from high school.
29. I carried that flame in secret for eight years.
30. I would like to learn to scuba dive
31. I want to be cremated when I die
32. I taught Sunday school when I was in high school
33. Today I’m agnostic
34. I play the tuba
35. I used to be good at it.
36. Boxer-briefs
37. I was a Civil War re-enactor for a time.
38. I have a personal trainer
39. He likes to make fun of my feeble attempts to get in shape
40. Numbers make me nervous
41. I got to conduct the DC Capitol Pride Symphonic Band and the Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington at the Kennedy Center. It was one of the highlights of my life.
42. November and February are my two least favorite months.
43. I am a Gemini. I doubt that means anything. But then again maybe it does.
44. I hate beets and liver. Other than I’ll eat it all.
45. And often do.
46. I’ve been in David Duke’s house.
47. He was there.
48. I want to learn how to country western dance.
49. I’ve been to England, France, West Germany (there were two when I was there), Switzerland, Italy, Belgium, Holland, Canada, Mexico, Jamaica, Scotland, Peru and Costa Rica.
50. I’ve lived in Washington, DC most of my life.
51. I’ve owned two boats.
52. I’m boatless now
53. I want to get another one
54. I was born in a wagon in a travelin’ show…well, not really, but in the foothills of Appalachia so it’s kinda close.
55. I tried Little League. I sucked.
56. I tried Jr. High basketball. I sucked.
57. To the disappointment of my family.
58. They supported my musical interests, however.
59. I started playing the tuba on the day Elvis Presley died. I don’t think the two events are related.
60. I used to live in fear of P.E. in school. Now I pay out the wazzoo to go to a gym. Things change. Of course, if I could have taken a sauna with our high school quarterback, I might have felt differently back then.
61. I suck at math.
62. Actually, I suck at most practical, useful things.
63. I fear Oprah
64. I’ve done drag on stage.
65. But I’m really masculine, honest.
66. I wrote the speech Lee Atwater was giving when he collapsed, the event that led to his brain cancer diagnosis. Again, I don’t think the two events were related.
67. I’ve seen, in person, every US president since Jimmy Carter except George W. Bush.
68. The worst part-time job I ever had was shoveling horse shit out of the barn.
69. The best was watchman at an abandoned coal mine.
70. My favorite science fiction author is Robert A. Heinlein.
71. My favorite gay historical figure is Frank Kameny.
72. I’m lucky enough to know him.
73. The only musical I was in was Fiddler on the Roof. I loved it.
74. I’m told I learned to walk by grabbing hold of the back of a sheep we used to have and walk behind it around the yard.
75. I’m told I have a funny gait. Now you know why.
76. Other pets/animals I’ve raised: Four dogs, one cat; hamsters, an Egyptian sand boa, more rabbits than I could count, two cows and one bull, a groundhog, a raccoon, tropical fish, and a pot belly pig named Madonna.
77. She was a material pig.
78. My house it 100 years old.
79. It is haunted
80. By an elderly black/Portuguese woman and a cat
81. We have witnesses
82. I prefer to eat the same thing for breakfast and lunch Mon – Friday.
83. People who try to manipulate me with guilt trips find it provokes the opposite response.
84. My favorite condiment is BBQ sauce.
85. I love Thai food. I have yet to try BBQ sauce on it, though.
86. I live less than a mile from an apartment building John Kennedy lived in right after WWII, a club where Danny Pearl used to play Bluegrass; a diner called “Tryst” where Congressman Gary Condit used to hang out with Chandra Levey; the townhouse Shirley Temple used to own and the summer cottage where Abe Lincoln used to hang out during the hot months. I think that’s pretty cool being near all that “stuff.”
87. First celebrity crush: Valerie Bertrinelli. Seriously.
88. But also David Groh (“Joe,” Valerie Harper’s husband on “Rhoda”)(Holy Moley he just died!)
89. I have to take a valium before going to see the dentist.
90. My favorite TV shows growing up were Bob Newhart, Mary Tyler Moore, the Carol Burnett Show, and, in high school, the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.
91. I could get through any tough day knowing I would end my day with a laugh with Johnny.
92. I hated Country Western music when I was growing up. It was all around me.
93. Now I’m finding I kinda like it.
94. Kiefer Sutherland would play me in a movie about my life.
95. When I was 11 or 12 the older nephew of a neighbor took me into a field to try a cigarette.
96. Someday I want to have a horse.
97. But be wealthy enough that I can pay someone else to shovel out the barn.
98. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.
99. I think kissing is the most intimate physical act.
100. I wish I could be a through-hiker on the Appalachian Trail.
     

Obama's First 100 Days -- the Gay Perspective: Rainbow High

The Washington Blade (DC's weekly gay newspaper) headline this weekend is:

"High Marks for the President's First 100 Days"

The WashBlade asserts that "many activists" are "awarding President Obama high marks for his work in leading the country and addressing LGBT issues during his first 100 days."

The "activists" in question are leaders from HRC and the NGLTF.

Joe Solmonese lead activist of the Democrats HRC, would have praised Obama for moving on action items for the first 100 days his group submitted during the transition, including developing a plan to roll back Don't Ask Don't Tell. If Obama had actually moved on them (he hasn't). How Solmonese can give the administration"high marks" for not doing anything his organization asked him too seems a bit of a stretch. "Heckuva job, Brownie," anyone? Oh -- "high marks" Joe did praise Obama for appointing gay people to high positions. Okay, so Obama did the same thing my boss did -- he hired some gay folk.

I'm an Obama man and I give him high marks for his first 100 days. But not on gay issues. There his record is woefully incomplete. I'm willing to give him time -- and he's had a lot of things to deal with -- but history and our gay rights organization's tendency to think they're front groups for the Democrats instead of civil rights activist organizations makes me nervous. Their reaction to his inaction reinforces my nervousness. I think a more realistic analysis of his record on gay issues is 0. Here's the chart to prove it.

But let's look at the Gay Republican analysis of the first 100 days.

Jimmy LaSalvia, who is executive director of GOProud, a new gay Republican group, said, according to the Blade:

Obama has been a "disappointment" in the White House and gave him a "d-" for work on LGBT issues.

Right. Because you know that if the GOP was in control, DOMA and DADT would have been repealed long before now.

Jimmy, how would you rate Michael Steele's moderation of the Republican Party? How would you grade the GOP's ability to see that aligning itself with Evangelicals makes it a regional Party unattractive to moderate and younger voters in the 160 some days since the 2008 election. How is your attacking the President helping you move the GOP to a more libertarian position?

My wish list?

Gay "activists" who don't turn into apologists for disappointing Democratic politicians and Gay Republicans who understand their real problem is Evangelical base of support in the GOP. In this dream world Democrats would be held accountable for their pro-gay promises from the left -- and anti-gay opposition from the right would be weakened.

Wednesday Workout -- Sometimes You Just Gotta Shoot for Volume

A weekly feature authored by the LTR to help you get in better shape. And it's late today because of me -- the LTR gave this to me last week. I had other things distracting me today, so I apologize to everyone dying to go to the gym and to try today's fitness tip. Here's the LTR:


I can hear the wheels in your heads spinning frantically as you try to predict what this column is going to be about. Sorry, it’s not about sex, and it’s not about dating. It’s about enhancing your current routine, and improving your pump, by introducing the concept of volume into your workout.

Volume in the weightlifting world is using the concept of dropping the weight you’re currently using – by fifty percent of more – and doubling, or tripling the amount of reps you are accustomed to doing. This has immediate and longer term benefits.

The immediate benefit is that the high volume work gorges the targeted muscle with lots of blood, causing an impressive, albeit short-lived pump. The longer term benefit is that the sudden change from what you are used to doing (you know, the same, tired, routine, week after week) to a high volume approach will both shock – and stimulate – your muscles, and force new growth.

The volume approach is epitomized by a routine called 100’s. 100’s can be applied to any muscle group, but for the sake of simplicity, let’s say that you’ve been doing the bicep/triceps routine posted last week, and are ready to shake things up a bit with some volume work. (Particularly if you’re looking to catch some glances later that day.)

At the end of your bicep/triceps workout, grab some very light dumbbells (about ½ the weight you are used to working with) and begin doing standing (or seated) bicep curls. The goal is to do as many simultaneous curls – keeping the nice round figure of 100 in mind – as possible when you have reached the point of exhaustion, how ever many reps you are short of 100 reps is the number of seconds’ rest you get before finishing off the set.

For example, if you get 65 reps, you get a 35 second break, and then you pump out 35 more reps. When you are done, rest a bit and then pick your favorite triceps exercise and do the same routine to them. Each muscle just gets the “100s treatment” once, and then you are finished.

And don’t forget to wear a short sleeve shirt so you can display your impressive pipes!

Grandpa Ted is Pretty Progressive for His Age

The LTR went to Ohio for the birthday celebration of his family patriarch, Grandpa Ted. Gpa Ted is 100 years old. He can recount tales from the Civil War, not from history books, but from the stories told to him by people who were there.

The LTR is not a direct descendant from Gpa Ted, but has gotten to know him well at family gatherings and through a shared love of family history. The LTR has not told Ted much, if anything, about his personal life, but Gpa Ted's in the know.

When Ted and the LTR were alone, the conversation went something like this:

Ted: Where's your "friend?" (meaning yours truly).

LTR: He had to stay at the farm, he had some things to do. (I stayed at the farm owned by the brother of the LTR, while our son and the LTR's family went to the event).

Ted: And that son of yours, he's cute. You've known him since he was born?

LTR: Yes, we were both in the delivery room with his mother?

Ted: So you used artificial insemination to have him?

LTR: Yes.

Ted: Well, a lot's changed in 100 years. I just learned to go with the flow.

The LTR was pretty amazed at the conversation with a 100 year old man, so obviously accepting of his relationship and family situation. When he got home he couldn't wait to tell me. Slowly but surely by coming out we can change things. As this 100 year old showed us this weekend.

Sliming Obama

Well, it worked for the Clinton campaign in New Hampshire, right? Distort the words Obama and attack him for what you said he said (or did) even though he really didn't say or do it.

Both Edwards and Hillary attacked him for saying good things about Reagan, twisting his words into an endorsement of Reagan's policies, which is not what he said.

And worse, attacking his 100% positive pro-choice record. The Obama campaign sent out an email today with this response to the distortions:

"From the beginning of this campaign, Barack has pledged to be open and
honest with the American people -- to tell us what we need to know, not just what we want to hear. That kind of honesty is at the core of our movement, because if we adopt Karl Rove campaign tactics of deception and fear, we're never going to change Washington and bring the country together to get things done.

Over the last few days, those same old tactics have come to Nevada.
Hillary Clinton has sent direct mail pieces to Nevadans distorting Barack's
position on Social Security.

She is on the radio deliberately confusing voters about his
long-standing opposition to Yucca Mountain.

She is on TV misleading people about his outspoken position against the
war in Iraq.

But perhaps most disturbing, Clinton has attacked Barack on his 100%
pro-choice record.

The tone of Senator Clinton's campaign has been so negative that even
her supporters are saying enough is enough. Lorna Brett, a former Clinton donor and president of Chicago National Organization for Women, had this to say about the tactics:

'I was disappointed that Hillary Clinton would launch misleading
attacks on Barack Obama and his unimpeachable record on a woman's right to choose. I have switched my support to Barack Obama because I know the truth. I cannot be a part of that kind of deceptive politics.'"

I have a feeling Hillary will win. It depresses me. Why? Because she will have won by deception and by playing to what divides us. Yes, I know that's how the game of politics is played...but in Obama I sense a politician who wants to change those rules.

I've posted on this blog before I became an Obama supporter that I longed for a leader who would, as Lincoln did, appeal to "the better angles of our nature." I think Obama is that leader. I just fear he will be destroyed by the clawing desperation of boundless ambtion.

Hillary Supportive Web Site Offers Cash for "Dirt on Obama."

Vote for Hillary dot com, linked to by Andrew today for offering money for people to say nice things about Hillary on blogs, is also offering money for something else:

Well, if there truly is dirt on Obama, we here at Vote for Hillary Online would like to get to the bottom of what it is. We are not endorsed by the official campaign here, so we do not necessarily need to abide by the same policy of not releasing the information. And if in fact this is as devastating as we think it may be, then it is important that the American people know about it. Adequate information in the hands of the voters is vital to a healthy democracy so we can all make informed choices.

We are offering $100 for this information that was rumored to exist. By the way, please do not waste our time with information that is already available to the public. We already know that Barack Obama used to be a heavy drug user.

I don't know if this site is a joke or not. Okay, well, clearly it is a joke, but I don't know if they are intending to be one or not.

One of the conditions for getting the money is that the info has to be "damaging to his career if made known."

Nice.

And this:

Also, please keep in mind laws pertaining to slander. It is not legal to make false accusations in order to ruin someone's good name

No, let's make sure we can ruin someone's good name the legal way!

And, guys...$100 for info to bring down a major political candidate? Puh-leeze.

I rather hope this site is a satire. Otherwise it's really sick.

UPDATE: It's a satire. I read more.

More on Faith

During my grandmother's funeral the pastor made the statements you would expect about life after death and being united with departed loved ones in heaven. As I've noted before, I tend to think this is a convenient conceit thought up by humans as preferable to oblivion.

But I don't know. And I want to know more. During the ride back to DC from the funeral, my cousin, who is getting her graduate degree in theology at American University as she prepares to be a minister, shared a book summarizing the world's three major religions.

During Christmas I read a book by Daniel Helminiak, "What the Bible Really Says about Homosexuality." During the course of reading that book I pulled out a bible and re-read parts I had long forgotten.

Two digressions:

1) I live in a haunted house. Meaning -- both the LTR and I (and houseguests) have experienced phenomena that can't be explained, like the sound of a woman's voice, footsteps on the floor when no one is there, strange behavior by the dogs acting as if another was present, and, for two houseguests, an apparition. I don't know what to make of all this, but I have heard things in this house that I can't explain. I have therefore witnessed phenomena that could support claims of an afterlife.

2) This has been a tough year for me and I'm lately struggling with debilitating anxiety. Starting my own business was in so many ways freeing but it also put enormous pressure on me. There is no steady paycheck and success or failure is 100 percent my responsibility. That pressure, coupled with my tendency for self-doubt, has sometimes created periods where I am so anxious I can do nothing. I started taking an anxiety medication and it is helping me cope, but it doesn't erase the nagging questions in my mind about whether I am up to the task at hand and able enough to be successful.

With that in mind, the other day I was walking the dogs and a garbage truck went by. On the tailgate was painted: Jerimiah 29:11. I focused on it, wondering what the significance was to that particular verse and thought I should look it up when I got home. Of course, I forgot.

Then, this morning, I was surfing the web, and happened over to a blog called Straight Not Narrow.

I read through a few posts then came across one focused on .....Jerimiah 29:11.

'For I know the plans that I have for you,'' declares the Lord, ''Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a future. Then you will call upon Me and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and FIND Me when you seek Me with ALL of your heart.''

This verse seemed oddly relevant to what is happening in my life and my inner mind at the moment that I couldn't believe that I had randomly come across it twice in as many days. Coincidence? I don't know. Or is it like a horoscope where you can read whatever meaning you wish in the prediction. I don't know.

But it sure makes me wonder.

Tyson Homosexual

You may have heard about the American Family Association's little issue with automatically replacing the word "gay" with "homosexual" on their news Web site. Normally this filter is used to prevent using the word gay to refer to those of us who "practice the homosexual lifestyle."

But when it gets used on a story about runner Tyson Gay (whose last name is, indeed, Gay) it results in copy like this:

Tyson Homosexual was a blur in blue, sprinting 100 meters faster than anyone ever has.

His time of 9.68 seconds at the U.S. Olympic trials Sunday doesn't count as a world record, because it was run with the help of a too-strong tailwind. Here's what does matter: Homosexual qualified for his first Summer Games team and served notice he's certainly someone to watch in Beijing.

"It means a lot to me," the 25-year-old Homosexual said. "I'm glad my body could do it, because now I know I have it in me."

Ahem.

You may have seen this already, but this afternoon via the WaPo I read another AFA "gay" gaffe about NBA player Rudy Gay that made me laugh out loud:

Memphis Grizzlies backers hit the hay hoping that Kevin Love would open things up for Rudy Homosexual in the frontcourt.

Gee. And tonight when I'm practicing my homosexual lifestyle I'll be going to the cleaners, walking the dog, cleaning the guest bedroom and getting ready for work tomorrow, before sitting down to maybe watch more of the John Adams HBO mini-series. Nothing about getting opened up in the frontcourt.

This homosexual lifestyle is boring!

Two Campaign Events

I've now been to two campaign events here in Nevada. On Thursday I went to a Hillary Clinton "roundtable" discussion on the mortgage crisis. Last night I went to an Obama Town Hall meeting. While it's not completely fair to contrast the two events as they were completely dissimiliar affairs, here's what I saw:

Hillary's event was at a Mexican restaurant near the Strip. There was a crowd of maybe 100 or so, mostly older Hispanic women. The Hillary staff and volunteers were all very young. One of the staffers took a small group of attendees to a corner of the parking lot for "training." He proceeded to teach them how to wave their signs and chant.

If I had to guess, I'd say most of the people there were Party activists. From listening to them talk that's the way it sounded. And their talk was laced with two things: Hillary's talking points "ready on day one" and a visceral hatred of George W. Bush. One Hispanic lady standing behind me went on a 20 minute diatribe in Spanish cursing him. Uh, somebody might tell these people that he won't be on the ballot in November.

The Hillary people struck me as committed and they were all enthusiastic when a beaming Clinton and daughter Chelsea finally showed up (more than two hours late, no explanation given). Prior to the arrival, sporadic chants of "Hill-ar-ee" broke out from the crowd when a passing motorist would honk in support or frustration and the traffic backup we were causing. One older woman like to chant a flat mechanical "Hill-ar-ee" by herself as if in a zombie trance.

One other thing I'll mention about the event -- in Nevada, one of the most powerful unions is the Culinary Worker's Union, who has endorsed Obama. At Clinton's event, there were pre-printed signs saying "Culinary Workers for Clinton." They were passing these out and a Clinton staffer yelled to the crowd, "are there any REAL culinary workers to hold these signs?" I'm not sure he had any takers.

OK, Obama: Obama had a town hall at a large high school gymnasium near the airport. The parking lot was about the size of two football fields. I arrived around 4 pm for the event which was scheduled to start at 6:30. The line was already from the front door of the gym and circling three-fourths around the parking lot. Before it was done the line would circle around the parking lot and down the street. 2,000 people ended up getting in the gym; the campaign said they had to turn nearly that many away.

The crowd was very diverse. I couldn't categorize it as more black than white, more young than old. It was everything. Standing with me in line was a middle age black man who had never participated in a political event before.

People were very enthusiastic but the wait in the cold was long. By the time I got into the gym my back was killing me from standing on hard pavement in hard shoes. But the pre-speech planning was good (after the truly awful high school jazz band stopped playing). They had almost the entire crowd singing and dancing and waving Obama signs to the Temptation's "Shout" and other R&B and rock and roll hits. It felt like a street party. I had to keep reminding myself this was a primary event. It had the size and girth of presidential events I've attended.

We were delayed because Obama stopped outside and made some remarks to the people who couldn't get in. When he came in, the place went nuts.

He was as you've seen; captivating, smooth and even a little cocky. But never condescending and he came off genuine and passionate, and was good about weaving big themes back into specific responses to policy questions. At one point during his stump speech I heard a heavy muffled sound behind me, and I turned around to see large powerfully built black man holding back tears. My new friend who had never been to one of these events was beaming.

Health care and immigration were the most frequent topics of the questioning. Obama offered detailed responses to policy questions; almost surprising given the criticism that he's long on hope and short on details. My aching back begs to differ. He wasn't short on anything.

Foley and the Closet

The consequences of the long dark shadows cast by the closet on its occupants are brought to mind by the Foley scandal.

There's a thousand little lies one tells each day to self and others to remain hidden in the closet's confines. When I was in a closet I carefully monitored each word I said, making sure, among other things, to change "we" to "I" and "our" to "my." Thus with a little verbal slight of hand did I erase from existence a loving partner and the most meaningful relationship in my life.

Foley apparently has a "companion" of 19 years. The closet negated the legitimacy of that relationship.

I don't know, and can't know, (at least until Foley publishes the inevitable memoir) what role the public and inner denial of Foley's core self and core relationship played in his actions.
I don't think being in the closet leads one to pedophilia. But the closet can certainly aid and abet any type of clandestine behavior. It forces you to sublimate the most positive attributes of your being (like a 19 year relationship). In hiding the most positive aspect of yourself it's easier for the darker impulses to take over. The thousands of little lies add up to big lies about identity and activities and creates a cloying patina layers deep that, carried to an extreme can bury the truth even from one's self. The closet corrupts not just the closeted but all he or she knows.

For example. Searching on the key words "MWM" for "Married White Man" on Craig's List's "Men Seeking Men" page, I returned 100 results posted since Sunday. This is a typical ad:

MWM, 37, 5-11, 170lbs, avg body (fit), Br/Bl, semi-hairy, looking for an extremely discreet encounter on Wednesday evening. Staying with friends and want to be able to tell them that I'm heading out with buddies from work (Tysons Corner, maybe?). Only get to play when I'm traveling. Safe/Sane/Professional. Please - no one-liner

This person has chosen a life in the closet and will seek furtive sex with other men while the wife is away...that's his choice...but it's also important to acknowledge that society built those closet walls. Don't Ask Don't Tell, DOMA, bans against same sex marriage, commentators making homosexuality and pedophilia synonymous are the common architects of the closet.

Mark Foley and many, many others chose to live a life in fear in the closet...but society opened the door. The closet will exist as long as society refuses the truth...that gay people are a natural part of the human community with every right to fulfilling and long lasting relationships with those whom they love.

It's my hope that gay men and women, as we increasingly have over the last two decades, refuse to stay in the closet. It's my bigger hope that one day the closet will not even exist.