Sometimes it's like Eli and I are two hostile countries, with me playing the superpower and Eli the upstart nation. Today, for example, we had opposing goals. Negotiations began. We were making progress, but suddenly, Eli broke off diplomatic relations and recalled himself to his room. I responded by imposing sanctions. He retaliated by launching a flurry of tears. This led to an internal peace protest within me, but I stayed the course. Finally, Eli offered reparations. Negotiations resumed and a truce was called.
All of this will be repeated tomorrow.
Republicans will denounce me as weak for not spanking, but I will continue to seek diplomatic solutions.