Fish Story

I've given in to my long desire to have a saltwater aquarium. I had several freshwater aquaria in high school and was intrigued to go to sea.

I was also lured in by my saltwater aquarium "how to" book that having a fish tank is relaxing and soothing.

Well, I can tell you that is total bullshit.

I mean if you let the salinity vary you're doomed. Temperature varies, doomed. Don't get the nitrogen cycle right? Sorry, Charlie.

I now have starter fish in the tank. They're Damselfish and you get them because they are hardy and can help get the nitrogen cycle going (the conversion of bad chemicals into safer chemicals).

They're also mean as hell (maybe because you expose them to all the bad chemicals so they can make it good for other fish? I'd be pissed off too). One of them is literally eating another slowly, chasing him around the tank and slowly biting pieces of him off. I tried removing the little devil, but can't catch him. As soon as the net enters the tank, he hides in one of the nooks or crannies of the rocks I was told to place in the tank so the fish would have a place to, uh, hide in.

So what do I do? Tap on the glass and shake my finger, "Bad fish! Bad fish!" I spent Saturday stressed out over a $5 fish? This is soothing?

And get this. Whatever you do, maintain constant salinity. More important than keeping it at the right salinity is making sure the salinity of the water doesn't change, to keep the fish healthy.

But wait -- what do they tell you to do if a fish gets sick?

Dip it in freshwater!

Hello! I think that would qualify as a sudden change in salinity!

But...

One of my new critters is a green serpent starfish that is close to eating from my hand...plus a hermit crab we've named "Obi-Wan," and a long-legged sally lightfoot crab that resembles someone I know -- they are cool.

So if I can get the fish carnage under control this might be fun.