First Lady's Guests Tonight to Include Out Gay Businessman

According to TPM, sitting with Michelle Obama during tonight's SOTU will be Trevor Yager, who has a partner of seven years, with whom he is trying to adopt a baby. Is this the first time an openly gay man has been part of the First Lady's official guests during the SOTU?

Here are the full details:

Trevor Yager (Indianapolis, IN)

Trevor Yager began his career in 1995 while in college by founding TrendyMinds, a full-service advertising/public relations firm. He earned a Bachelor of Arts degree in psychology from Anderson University and went on to work with various motor sports sponsors, team owners and sanctioning bodies. Today, at TrendyMinds, Yager provides strategic planning, business development, marketing and technology guidance and support to various local, national and international clients. In 2009 the agency grew by more than 200 percent, doubled the number of employees and gained 15 new accounts. Yager credits President Obama's welcoming climate for small businesses, including the many initiatives under the Recovery Act, for this success.

He is also passionate about helping non-profits and TrendyMinds is committed to giving back to the community by donating in-kind services to organizations throughout Indiana.

Yager resides in Indianapolis with his partner of seven years, Tyler Murray. The two have recently started the process of adoption and look forward to adding a new member to their family.

Gays on the Back Burner

Accepting, for the moment, that Obama is sincere in his pro-gay positions, it's clear the Administration has given absolutely no thought or had no discussions about fulfilling campaign promises to gays. They've been caught with their pants down by this uproar and have bungled just about every aspect.

We've been put on the back burner (which led to DOJs throwing us under the bus and backing over us a few times).

And why not? Where else do we have to go? No one is under any illusions that we would be better off with McCain in the White House (with the possible exception of the deranged GOPride folks). Hey, we've got a financial crisis and two wars and health care to fix -- the gays can wait. They're not going anywhere.

And if this were October, 2012, and all that transpired this past week happened then, and it was Romney and Obama on the ballot, where would our dollars and votes go? Would we sit it out?

Sometimes to be gay in America feels a bit like being a man without a country.

A Missing Name in the Draft Democratic Platform

No, not John Edwards. Jon Rauch points out the platform calls for the repeal of DOMA (which it did not in 04). But he also points to this ommission:

From 2004:

We support full inclusion of gay and lesbian families in the life of our nation and seek equal responsibilities, benefits, and protections for these families.

And 2008:

We support the full inclusion of all families in the life of our nation, and support equal responsibility, benefits, and protections.

Some will view that with suspicion given the rift between Howard and the gays. My gut reaction is agreement with the commenters that as long as "all" really means "all," it is a positive development.

Newt Gingrich Attends Gay Friend's Funeral

Today Eli and I went to a memorial service of an acquaintance. I didn't know the deceased, but I know his partner of 23 years.

After I sat down I noticed the man sitting next to us looked familiar. And indeed he was. It was the former Speaker of the House, Newt Gingrich. Turns out he was friends with the departed and his surviving partner. Enough so, that he gave special remarks during the service. Enough so that he choked up delivering those remarks.

Before he stood up and walked to the front to speak, he said to his companion sitting next to him, "I didn't see anyone here who mattered?" And looked to her for confirmation.

Hmm. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he meant someone he should acknowledge, like another Member of Congress. Uh, no. Clearly, in his grief, he wasn't forgetting to be political...although I don't know what he said in his remarks that could have possibly caused any more stir than the mere fact that he was at a gay friend's Memorial Service.

Yes, Right Wing Conservative Republicans have gay friends. They can shed tears for them but they just can't cast votes for them in Congress.

I've no doubt Newt was there because he valued his friendship with the two men. I just wish he would reconcile his personal life with his public life, and tell his friends on the right that their anti-gay policies are a house of cards built on a foundation of hypocrisy.

If I Weren't a Gay Man

Will O'Bryan wonders aloud in this week's Metro Weekly if he could have chosen to be straight, would he have? This thought-provoking piece made me think about my life if I weren't gay.

The biggest change I wonder is if I would have had such a profound sense of otherness. I've always felt "different" -- how much of that is due to my sexuality can only be guessed at. Growing up, my lack of interest in sports always made it difficult for me to fit in, with peers or adults.

As an adult, I still find it difficult to naturally relate to groups of straight men. I simply don't have much to contribute in social gatherings where the banter is related to sports, cleavage and quips from Caddyshack and Animal House. I'm still an outsider to that fraternity.

I also wonder, if I were straight, if I would be as introspective as I am. From an early age, what I was taught about who and what I should be was in deep conflict with what I felt I was. Beyond contributing to my sense of otherness, this made me very thoughtful (in the sense of thinking, not in the sense of giving, as I am very selfish and inward-focused).

I also think, had I not been gay, I would have likely never questioned what I was taught about religion. I would likely still be dogmatically Christian (I used to teach Sunday School) and would probably be -- given my conservative tilt anyway -- a right-wing Christian fanatic. I know I'd be much more close-minded and may not have even ventured outside the rural area I grew up in.


Growing up, I used to think I'd be a veterinarian. So maybe if I weren't gay (and allergic to some animals) I'd be a small town vet, with wife and kids, a lay leader in my church and likely a GOP precinct Captain. Hell, I probably would have run for public office, been elected and enjoy some success as a Republican lawmaker, only to go down in some sex scandal when I hit middle age, get divorced and lose re-election and have to change churches.

So, come to think about it -- thank God I'm Gay.

UPDATE: Although, if I weren't Gay, there never would have been that unfortunate karaoke incident in Tampa with MattyDale. Just sayin.'

How Gay Am I Part II

So gay that I pumped iron this morning while listening to "Lonely Goatherd" from the Sound of Music on my Ipod. I practically skipped through the gym.

The very fact I have "Lonely Goatherd" on my Ipod I think qualifies me as pretty gay, let alone working out to it. And now I have stuck in my head. And now so do you.

Maybe Hillary IS the Gay Candidate

This is pretty gay.

Earth to Brian May

Yes, he was. Very.

What's in a Word Depends on Where It's Said

Back in 1995, or maybe 94, I attended the Gay and Lesbian Association of Choruses Festival in Tampa Florida. A big deal was made when Harvey Fierstein read a letter to the group from President Clinton. I asked my friends what the big deal was. "He says our name!" one friend gushed. I was unswayed. It was easy to "say our name" in a letter addressed to and read to a gay group. Harder, and more important, to fight for us and risk a political defeat. And, ironically, it was that week that Bill Clinton signed into law the Defense of Marriage Act.

Fast forward to yesterday and these remarks, first Ted Kennedy:

"With Barack Obama, we will turn the page on the old politics of misrepresentation and distortion," the Massachusetts senator said Monday in endorsing Obama for the Democratic presidential nomination. "With Barack Obama, we will close the book on the old politics of race against race, gender against gender, ethnic group against ethnic group, and straight against gay."

And then Obama:

"The dream has never died ... it lives on in those Americans, young and old, rich and poor, black and white, Latino and Asian and Native American, gay and straight, who are tired of a politics that divides us and want to recapture the sense of common purpose that we had when John Kennedy was president of the United States of America," Obama said.

I was unswayed by Bill Clinton saying our name in the 90s, but Obama and Kennedy's mention of the "G" word leaves me encouraged. Why?

They said it at a mainstream audience in a key if not pivotal endorsement that will receive wide publicity. It seems more a barometer of true belief than a pandering gesture said to a gay enclave to be forgotten once the enclave is out of sight. This doesn't exempt holding Obama (and his party) to taking productive action on those beliefs. But I feel it is an encouraging sign that the Senator from Illinois means what he says.

Struck Dumb Over Dumbledore

Well, this is no surprise...the Christian Coaltion is urging parents to "ban their children" from reading Harry Potter or watching Potter films after the revelation that Dumbledore is gay.

Ummm, good luck with that.

Heavens, what if they figure out that some of the people mentioned in the Bible were gay?

Get Trendier and Gayer

This publication is not for me:

Gay List Daily, a swank new e-publication 'dedicated to making trendy gays
even more trendy and gay

I don't need to buck up my gayness from an "e-publication," thank you. And I usually try and buck whatever the latest trend is. There's something lemming-like about trying to be trendy.

However, MattyDale, are you paying attention?

Maybe He's Just Misunderstood

Gays In Iran

This is Reza. He was flogged in Iran for being gay.

The Iranian Queer Organization helps publicize the plight of Iranian gays...as well as help gay Iranian refugees. Think about giving them some financial support.

The Principles of the Party are the Problem

Pam quotes Republican activist Scott Reed on the Craig Bathroom Bust:

Republicans think the governing class in Washington are a bunch of buffoons
who have total disregard for the principles of the party...

No -- it's the immoral so-called "family values" principles that force men like Craig and Foley and Haggered deep into the closet, which degrades them into lives of lies and desperation. If the GOP would recognize that the desire to love another of the same sex is just another aspect of humanity the party would cease aiding and abetting hypocrisy.

Gay "Loyalty"

Robbie at Malcontent takes on Joe.My.God's criticism of Merv Griffin not towing the gay party line (as defined by JMG). I'm going to quote it extensively because I agree with it and it's well stated:

I’ll never understand this line of thinking. We are born gay, so the political slogan goes. Are we also then burdened from birth with one specific train of political thought? Are we consigned from the womb to being radical and leftist? Do we owe, from our first breath, a lifetime of checks made out to Joe.My.God approved charities and causes? And if we rebel against the gay authoritarians, are we then subhuman and failures?

There are demons here. For all the love and tolerance and all that jazz a certain segment of the gay community espouses, under the surface there are deep wells of anger, hatred, intolerance, and all the worst impulses of human ideological bondage just waiting to bubble to the top.

It’s odd to see them dart about under the surface from time to time in pieces like these.

There is definitely a failure here, but it isn’t Merv Griffin’s.

My single addition to this line of thought -- I'm against outing for the same reasons. I think the same reasoning applies.

Grandpa Ted is Pretty Progressive for His Age

The LTR went to Ohio for the birthday celebration of his family patriarch, Grandpa Ted. Gpa Ted is 100 years old. He can recount tales from the Civil War, not from history books, but from the stories told to him by people who were there.

The LTR is not a direct descendant from Gpa Ted, but has gotten to know him well at family gatherings and through a shared love of family history. The LTR has not told Ted much, if anything, about his personal life, but Gpa Ted's in the know.

When Ted and the LTR were alone, the conversation went something like this:

Ted: Where's your "friend?" (meaning yours truly).

LTR: He had to stay at the farm, he had some things to do. (I stayed at the farm owned by the brother of the LTR, while our son and the LTR's family went to the event).

Ted: And that son of yours, he's cute. You've known him since he was born?

LTR: Yes, we were both in the delivery room with his mother?

Ted: So you used artificial insemination to have him?

LTR: Yes.

Ted: Well, a lot's changed in 100 years. I just learned to go with the flow.

The LTR was pretty amazed at the conversation with a 100 year old man, so obviously accepting of his relationship and family situation. When he got home he couldn't wait to tell me. Slowly but surely by coming out we can change things. As this 100 year old showed us this weekend.

And They'll Know We Are Christians By Our...Hate?

That's a line from a song I learned in Vacation Bible School...of course, the original last word was "love." As an adult, I've learned that, well, love? Not so much.

Consider the Dallas Mega Church that turned down a funeral service for the brother of one of its members. They offered a funeral, then withdrew when they saw photos of the deceased hugging and kissing his partner. Let's let the church speak with its own voice:

"Some of those photos had very strong homosexual images of kissing and hugging," [Rev. Simmons] said. "My ministry associates were taken aback."

...The pastor said that he could imagine a similar situation involving a different sin. Perhaps a mother who is a member of the church loses a son who is a thief or murderer, Mr. Simons said. The church would surely volunteer to hold a service, he said.

"But I don't think the mother would submit photos of her son murdering someone," he said. "That's a red light going off."

Affection for a partner = murder. Got it? Oh, and by the way, the deceased was a Gulf War vet who helped rescue downed pilots. Who is more Christlike, here?

Actually, churches have the right, in my opinion, to decide matters like these on their principles.

But I don't have to respect those principles. Especially when they rest on the shifting sand of bigotry blinded by fear.

Gay is not Black

Obama tried to make the claim that he knows what it's like to be ostracized as a gay person because he's black and has faced discrimination. Fair enough, to a point.

Here's the difference: black children who experience bigotry can come home to black parents who understand what it's like and who can relate and comfort. That's not the case with gay kids who know they are different and who hide their difference from mom and dad for fear of losing their love. That's a barren loneliness. That's why so many gay kids are more at risk for depression and suicide than their straight cohorts. And it's why thoughtful adults, like Obama, should not relegate gays to a second class status in our society. It sends a message: gay is not good enough.

How to Land a Straight Jock in 10 Easy Steps

The little one is napping so on to a bit of adult entertainment.

You already know the first step...beer.

Gay Iranian Torture Victim Tells His Tale

The U.K. deported a gay Iranian asylum-seeker back to Iran, where he was tortured, flogged and faced a likely death sentence. He escaped and tells his story.