Will O'Bryan wonders aloud in this week's Metro Weekly if he could have chosen to be straight, would he have? This thought-provoking piece made me think about my life if I weren't gay.
The biggest change I wonder is if I would have had such a profound sense of otherness. I've always felt "different" -- how much of that is due to my sexuality can only be guessed at. Growing up, my lack of interest in sports always made it difficult for me to fit in, with peers or adults.
As an adult, I still find it difficult to naturally relate to groups of straight men. I simply don't have much to contribute in social gatherings where the banter is related to sports, cleavage and quips from Caddyshack and Animal House. I'm still an outsider to that fraternity.
I also wonder, if I were straight, if I would be as introspective as I am. From an early age, what I was taught about who and what I should be was in deep conflict with what I felt I was. Beyond contributing to my sense of otherness, this made me very thoughtful (in the sense of thinking, not in the sense of giving, as I am very selfish and inward-focused).
I also think, had I not been gay, I would have likely never questioned what I was taught about religion. I would likely still be dogmatically Christian (I used to teach Sunday School) and would probably be -- given my conservative tilt anyway -- a right-wing Christian fanatic. I know I'd be much more close-minded and may not have even ventured outside the rural area I grew up in.
Growing up, I used to think I'd be a veterinarian. So maybe if I weren't gay (and allergic to some animals) I'd be a small town vet, with wife and kids, a lay leader in my church and likely a GOP precinct Captain. Hell, I probably would have run for public office, been elected and enjoy some success as a Republican lawmaker, only to go down in some sex scandal when I hit middle age, get divorced and lose re-election and have to change churches.
So, come to think about it -- thank God I'm Gay.
UPDATE: Although, if I weren't Gay, there never would have been that unfortunate karaoke incident in Tampa with MattyDale. Just sayin.'
2 comments:
That's a question I've asked myself often enough, but the answers are too scary. I'd probably do the dutiful 'straight-boy' thing and get married and become a breeder. Thank God I'm gay, because He knew that would be a death sentence for me.
BTW, Dance on Your Grave is an extremely powerful piece of music. I performed "A Naked Man" with the Turtle Creek Chorale in Dallas and it's a rush singing it!
Alan -- Yes, it's a great movement in a good work. I first heard it at the GALA fest in Tampa 95. Were you there?
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