Tales of the Introvert at Work -- Continued

And so it was that I found myself attending a REALLY BIG MEETING at a highly visible and well-known lobbying firm in town yesterday afternoon.

How big was the meeting? I had to put on a SUIT with a tie and everything. And not one of those clip on dealies.

Attending the meeting were several lobbyists including one of the principles of the firm.

After the meeting was over, during which I did manage to speak a few sentences, I went to the men's room. Big mistake. While I'm standing there, in walks the head guy who had been in our meeting, Mr. Big Shot Lobbyist. Standing next to me, he says, "I'm glad Tiger won, but I feel kinda sorry for Rocco."

Me: Silence. My desire to flee squelched by the force of nature compelling me to stand at the urinal holding my dick as one of DC's power players attempts to engage me in small talk.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," I manage to croak out. Yes, I know the tiger he is talking about is Tiger Woods and I know he's a golfer. The only other thing I know about him is he's beefed up his physique and I saw an attractive picture of him in shorts and a tee shirt in Men's Health, but that didn't seem to be an appropriate comment to make in that particular moment.

I now know that Woods beat Rocco Mediate. Had Rocco won, he would have been the oldest player to win the US Open Championship. Why didn't I know that? Why can't there be some service for sports-challenged introverted queers that sends out little key facts and talking points to our blackberries? Even if I took the time to peruse the sports page I wouldn't know what's really important to look for (I stopped perusing the sports pages when the NBA went to those long baggy drapey shorts. Ugh). I can't be the only one caught, um, with my pants down trying to make small talk with Mr. Big Shot at the urinal.

And by the way, why do men feel a need to make small talk while pissing? Mr. Big Shot didn't need to say anything, and if he didn't want to be rude he could have just said, "Hey, thanks for coming," or "Nice to see you" as he or I left the bathroom. Even the LTR and I don't talk to each other if we're peeing together in a public place. Is this a straight thing?

Many years ago I got a promotion. My boss said we'd discuss the details about the raise later. Well, later turned out to be when he caught me at the urinal in the men's room. Standing next to me he said, "I know this isn't the most appropriate place, but how about X percent for your raise?" Today I would have said, "you're right, this is not an appropriate place." Back then I was still pretty green and felt trapped. I agreed to the figure as I shook the last drops out. How many businessmen have been hoodwinked into bad deals because they were too focused on not leaving a stain on the front of their pants?

Still, I need a strategy going forward. I will cultivate friends who have interests in the major sports. If the World Series is on, I'll call my basketball buddy to see what the talking points are. And go to the men's room without fear.

The Hidden Ceiling: Introverts at Work

Once again, I am an introvert.

I've no doubt this has hurt my career. A former boss used to get really mad at me after meetings. "Speak up!" she would say. "You're too deferential!" Actually, I was processing what all the idiot extros were saying.

My hunch is that if i were competing against someone else with the same age and background, but who is more extroverted, I would lose.

The Psychology 101 Web site says:

Since North American culture promotes teamwork and communication, introverts at work may struggle professionally. Extroverts at work enjoy attention, network well, and are good at marketing themselves. These qualities make them appear to be better at their jobs than introverts at work, but appearances are often deceiving.

Recently, as I've shared, my current boss said, "you're not the most outgoing person." It was not a compliment. Another co-worker recently semi-jokingly referred to me as "aloof."

So I've decided to launch a Scott Outreach campaign. Each day I'm sticking my head in a co-worker's office to banter. The campaign is having some immediate results -- co-workers are now poking their heads into my office with greater frequency.

It's interrupted my work and slowed my productivity down...but hey, at least I'm "coming out of my shell."

Introverts of the World Unite!

Problem is, get us all in a room and no one would say anything.

Look -- I'm an introvert. My boss recently reminded me of this when talking about a problem inter-personal relationship between me and another in my office, and she remarked, "you're not the most outgoing person in the world."

Who knew she had a gift for understatement?

I'm tired of feeling bad that I'm an Introvert. It's time to claim a little Introvert Pride (Instead of protests we'll have "think-ins." The silence will speak volumes).

First, a definition: an introvert gets his energy from within, an extrovert from without. It's not that we Intros are shy, per se, look, I spent the weekend at a nude beach. But, as an introvert, I need some alone time to recharge after being with a lot of people; an extrovert gets his energy from a lot of people. As a psychology web site says:

Introverts tend to get their energy from within, so being with people is draining. After a day filled with people or activities, introverts tend to feel exhausted and empty. To recharge their batteries introverts need to be alone reading, daydreaming, painting, or gardening – any solo activity fills them up again.

One of the things introverts hate is small talk. I find it boring and repetitive and not worth the energy it takes me to participate. How many times in our lives do we have to say the same things over and over about the weather being too hot or too cold or the fact that weathermen suck? Small talk about the weather just means we are emitting more personal carbon dioxide and making global warming worse. If we all stopped making small talk about it being "hot enough for ya?" how many polar bears could we save?

Being stereotypically gay in one aspect -- I don't follow ANY team sport -- adds to the problem of being a small-talk-hating introvert. Let's face it, sports is a conversation ice breaker. And my attempts at participating have been met with disaster. Years ago, waiting for a business meeting to begin, someone mentioned how exciting the "tournament" had been the night before. Now, I had watched the men's figure skating championships the previous evening. Here was small talk I could participate in that I found interesting! I quickly chimed in, "yes, Brian Boitano was fabulous!" Everyone looked at me. Of course they were talking about the NBA tournament. I think that has something to do with basketball. Small talk is better left to the extroverts.

Jonathan Rauch, an admitted practicing introvert has written that we Intros are persecuted:

The worst of it is that extroverts have no idea of the torment they put us through. Sometimes, as we gasp for air amid the fog of their 98-percent-content-free talk, we wonder if extroverts even bother to listen to themselves. Still, we endure stoically, because the etiquette books—written, no doubt, by extroverts—regard declining to banter as rude and gaps in conversation as awkward. We can only dream that someday, when our condition is more widely understood, when perhaps an Introverts' Rights movement has blossomed and borne fruit, it will not be impolite to say "I'm an introvert. You are a wonderful person and I like you. But now please shush."

Despite the oppression we Intros face we are successful. George Washington was an Introvert. Ronald Reagan was probably one too. Most actors and artists are. Even successful business men. Warren Buffet? Yup. Albert Einstein? Of course. Queen Elizabeth? A practicing Intro!

So yes, I am an introvert and proud of it. We're here. We're quiet. Get used to it.