Tales of the Introvert at Work -- Continued

And so it was that I found myself attending a REALLY BIG MEETING at a highly visible and well-known lobbying firm in town yesterday afternoon.

How big was the meeting? I had to put on a SUIT with a tie and everything. And not one of those clip on dealies.

Attending the meeting were several lobbyists including one of the principles of the firm.

After the meeting was over, during which I did manage to speak a few sentences, I went to the men's room. Big mistake. While I'm standing there, in walks the head guy who had been in our meeting, Mr. Big Shot Lobbyist. Standing next to me, he says, "I'm glad Tiger won, but I feel kinda sorry for Rocco."

Me: Silence. My desire to flee squelched by the force of nature compelling me to stand at the urinal holding my dick as one of DC's power players attempts to engage me in small talk.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," I manage to croak out. Yes, I know the tiger he is talking about is Tiger Woods and I know he's a golfer. The only other thing I know about him is he's beefed up his physique and I saw an attractive picture of him in shorts and a tee shirt in Men's Health, but that didn't seem to be an appropriate comment to make in that particular moment.

I now know that Woods beat Rocco Mediate. Had Rocco won, he would have been the oldest player to win the US Open Championship. Why didn't I know that? Why can't there be some service for sports-challenged introverted queers that sends out little key facts and talking points to our blackberries? Even if I took the time to peruse the sports page I wouldn't know what's really important to look for (I stopped perusing the sports pages when the NBA went to those long baggy drapey shorts. Ugh). I can't be the only one caught, um, with my pants down trying to make small talk with Mr. Big Shot at the urinal.

And by the way, why do men feel a need to make small talk while pissing? Mr. Big Shot didn't need to say anything, and if he didn't want to be rude he could have just said, "Hey, thanks for coming," or "Nice to see you" as he or I left the bathroom. Even the LTR and I don't talk to each other if we're peeing together in a public place. Is this a straight thing?

Many years ago I got a promotion. My boss said we'd discuss the details about the raise later. Well, later turned out to be when he caught me at the urinal in the men's room. Standing next to me he said, "I know this isn't the most appropriate place, but how about X percent for your raise?" Today I would have said, "you're right, this is not an appropriate place." Back then I was still pretty green and felt trapped. I agreed to the figure as I shook the last drops out. How many businessmen have been hoodwinked into bad deals because they were too focused on not leaving a stain on the front of their pants?

Still, I need a strategy going forward. I will cultivate friends who have interests in the major sports. If the World Series is on, I'll call my basketball buddy to see what the talking points are. And go to the men's room without fear.