Ask Not for Whom the Bell Trolls

Zachary was kind enough to comment in my post, where I lamented the fact that people are mistaking me for my mother's husband or brother, that I did not fall at the troll end of the jail bait - yummy - troll scale. He said:

You're definitely not in the troll area of the age continuum. No where near. And I have sway in such matters, I'm just past the jail bait marker! :)

Well, I'm 42.

Does age a troll make?

According to some it does. The WashBlade "Bitch Session" column, where readers can phone in anonymous snarky remarks to be published are full of comments deriding men over 35-40 hanging out in gay bars. The LTR (who is a year older than me) and I don't go out often. I do occasionally like to stop at JR's for a couple of beers. I must admit there is one bartender there who I find attractive and I go to his end of the bar. He's in his 20s. Does this make me a troll?

It also occurred to me the other day that the pics of hot men I spend all my free time scouring the Internet to find I happen to come across and post on this blog are also half my age. Does this make me a troll?

The answer is, probably yes.

However...at 42 I am in better physical shape than I was at 22. My pants are a size smaller than they were when I was in college. I could still lose a little around the middle, but I'm not doing bad. True, my eyesight is degrading and my joints complain a bit more than they used to, but overall I am in great shape and health. Does that deduct any "troll" points?

I think it's sad that so many younger guys are so dismissive of older gay men. I don't mean dismissive sexually, I mean dismissive as they automatically exclude gay men over (pick your age) from their world. One of my closest friends is a near-60ish straight woman. She has enriched my life, lucky for me because I didn't automatically exclude older straight women from my universe.

When I was in my 20s, many men in their 30s or 40s weren't going out and weren't that visible. They were sick or dying. So I think a growing aging gay male population is a new thing the modern gay community has to learn to deal with.

I also think that (and it's true for me) that we "trolls" want to think of ourselves as appealing as long as we can. And some perhaps want to prove that they are appealing by seeking out the physical attention of men younger than themselves (not true for me).

But it recently occurred to me that I can eat right, go to the gym every day, moisturize, floss, etc, but my body is still going to get old and whatever attractiveness I may posses will slowly fade over time and there is nothing I can do about it. Nothing.

But if I can't control that, I can control whether or not I'm attractive on the inside. And it also occurred to me lately that I spend way more time biking or working out than I do trying to improve my inner world. I have to change that. Although I will keep trying to improve the outer me, I've got to attend more to the inner me, for that's the one thing that won't decay until either Alzheimer's or death takes me.

So, if troll I am, I'm at least going to endeavor to be a sweet one.