Questions I'm Afraid to Answer

I got this note from an editor at the Washington Blade:

Yes, we'd really like to have you be the Queery feature for next week's paper. This is where we ask someone 20 questions and then print the answers alongside an introductory paragraph and a photo. People really seem to enjoy doing it, and I know it's a popular feature among readers. Given your long history with the Different Drummers, I think you'd be a great person for this.

The problem is, this isn't going to reveal my "long history" with DCDD, it's going to reveal my long history as a post 20 30 40s gay man (my 44th birthday is later this month. Mourners may send a charitable donation to DCDD in lieu of flowers).

Consider some of the questions:

7. What has been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime?

Do I answer truthfully that I remember when Roots was first aired -- the first mega mini-series on network TV? The release of the first Star Wars movie in 1977? The death of Elvis? When Marcia got hit by the football when the Brady Bunch was not yet in syndication but still on the air? I can even remember when Sonny was married to Cher.

Or how about this one:

9. What item of clothing has been in your closet since high school?

I'd like to say I have nothing that I wore in high school 26 fucking years ago but today while cleaning the house I actually found a belt I wore back then with a (no kidding) tuba-shaped belt buckle. Hey, I was a band geek. But is that an answer I really want in print? Do I really need to let the world know how much of a nerd I was back then? (And looking back on it now and thinking about me wearing that belt it's no wonder I didn't go on many dates)

And then there's this one:

3. What is Washington’s best nightspot, past or present?

Well, let's see...past best nightspot: my bedroom. Okay, not really, but back in the day my club of choice was Rascals on Connecticut Ave. Three floors of gay fun, first floor dancing and drag shows, second floor bar and movies (non-porn), third floor strippers. Anyone but me remember Joey or Francois? And the LTR and I had our first Friday night date there...we ended up sucking face on the third floor ignoring (and annoying) the strippers. It's long gone now, having been swallowed by Riggs Bank (now PNC) which bought out the block back in the mid-90s.

Present nightspot? Once again, my bedroom, where the LTR and I are usually fast asleep by 10. Let me climb off my bedpan so I can take some more Geritol.

Here's one question I can answer:

2. Who’s your gay hero?

Batman.

I mean, that one's easy.