September 12, 2004

Everyone has been rightly focused on September 11, 2001, the "date that changed America." Today I am focused on September 12, 2004, a date that changed my life. That was the day my son, Eli was born. The LTR and I became sperm donors to a lesbian couple who were close friends of ours, Pam and Jana. I donated the juice, and Jana was the bio mom. The LTR and I threw ourselves into operation baby wholeheartedly, attending birth classes with the moms and having family night dinners once a week. We set up a nursery here in our home. Here is the account of Eli's birth I wrote and emailed members of our birth class:

Eli David Wolfe was born Sunday, September 12, 2004, at 7:59 AM. He weighed 7.5 lbs and was 20 1/2 inches long. He made his world premiere three weeks early.

Expecting an October birth, Dave and I were surprised when the phone rang at four a.m. early Sunday morning. Dave answered and Jana said “Hi, what are you doing today?" Dave replied, "I guess we're going to the hospital." Jana’s water had broken around three and she was having contractions. An event we had been preparing for nearly two years was finally here.

When we arrived about 5:30 Jana was already seven centimeters dilated. This meant the birth was progressing remarkably fast .Her contractions were lasting about a minute and were two minutes apart. She clearly wasn't enjoying them was enduring them without medication. A nurse guessed Jana would deliver around 10. At 7:15, Pam and I went down to the cafeteria to get breakfast. Thank God we decided to bring it back to the room! When we got back about 7:40 the doctor was there, Jana was on her back with her legs in stirrups and we were having a baby. She was fully dilated and 100 percent effaced. I was 100 percent amazed.

What happened in the next few minutes was the most beautiful, stunning and surreal experience I've ever had. What had begun as a somewhat sterile exchange of fluid was resulting in a human being. One lives with the facts of biology but mere science leaves you unprepared to witness the creation of a little boy that miraculously springs from a simple exchange of liquid.

The doctor had Dave and I each hold one of Jana's legs, and we'd pull them back each time Jana had a contraction (although this description may seem undignified from Jana’s perspective, I can tell you as a witness that nothing could take away the aura of grace that surrounded Jana that day). We'd try to get Jana to push through three 10-counts. Dave was counting for her and coaching her (you know how he loves to talk). Pam was snapping pictures.

Jana was pushing and the baby was crowning (the top of the head appearing). The doctor told Jana to reach down and feel his head. Joyous reality wiped the pain away – at long last here was the baby Eli. Jana gasped in happiness and her face lit up with a mom’s smile.

Then – a complication. The doctor said, "I'm afraid you're going to tear" and recommended an episiotomy (an incision to enlarge the vaginal opening). Jana, whose eyes had been squeezed tight against the pain, her face compressed with each contraction, opened her eyes and clearly and calmly asked, "Won't that hurt?" We've all had a good laugh about that after the fact.

So, Jana got the episiotomy. The doctor numbed the area – the only drug Jana had during this whole time. A quick snip did the trick. A short time later, the doc said to Pam, "honey you better put that camera down and get over here." Eli's head popped out and then the rest of his little body just slid out of the birth canal with the next contraction. Pam caught him and cut the umbilical cord. He made a couple of little cries and immediately peed. The staff wrapped him and laid him on Jana's chest. We hovered around and beamed as only parents can. Eli was wrinkled, red, eyes squeezed shut, hair matted wet…and he was beautiful.

Being three weeks early his little lungs didn’t at first provide the optimal amount of oxygen to his body, so he went to the Neo-natal intensive care unit (NICU).

I must say Jana was phenomenal. She handled everything in stride, and other than a few moans and one bloodcurdling scream when Eli's head came out, endured labor stoically and drug free. While the rest of us looked like crap Sunday and Monday, Jana just looked relaxed, beautiful and happy. I think there is nothing more beautiful than a new mother.

Eli in July, 2006