Foley and the Closet

The consequences of the long dark shadows cast by the closet on its occupants are brought to mind by the Foley scandal.

There's a thousand little lies one tells each day to self and others to remain hidden in the closet's confines. When I was in a closet I carefully monitored each word I said, making sure, among other things, to change "we" to "I" and "our" to "my." Thus with a little verbal slight of hand did I erase from existence a loving partner and the most meaningful relationship in my life.

Foley apparently has a "companion" of 19 years. The closet negated the legitimacy of that relationship.

I don't know, and can't know, (at least until Foley publishes the inevitable memoir) what role the public and inner denial of Foley's core self and core relationship played in his actions.
I don't think being in the closet leads one to pedophilia. But the closet can certainly aid and abet any type of clandestine behavior. It forces you to sublimate the most positive attributes of your being (like a 19 year relationship). In hiding the most positive aspect of yourself it's easier for the darker impulses to take over. The thousands of little lies add up to big lies about identity and activities and creates a cloying patina layers deep that, carried to an extreme can bury the truth even from one's self. The closet corrupts not just the closeted but all he or she knows.

For example. Searching on the key words "MWM" for "Married White Man" on Craig's List's "Men Seeking Men" page, I returned 100 results posted since Sunday. This is a typical ad:

MWM, 37, 5-11, 170lbs, avg body (fit), Br/Bl, semi-hairy, looking for an extremely discreet encounter on Wednesday evening. Staying with friends and want to be able to tell them that I'm heading out with buddies from work (Tysons Corner, maybe?). Only get to play when I'm traveling. Safe/Sane/Professional. Please - no one-liner

This person has chosen a life in the closet and will seek furtive sex with other men while the wife is away...that's his choice...but it's also important to acknowledge that society built those closet walls. Don't Ask Don't Tell, DOMA, bans against same sex marriage, commentators making homosexuality and pedophilia synonymous are the common architects of the closet.

Mark Foley and many, many others chose to live a life in fear in the closet...but society opened the door. The closet will exist as long as society refuses the truth...that gay people are a natural part of the human community with every right to fulfilling and long lasting relationships with those whom they love.

It's my hope that gay men and women, as we increasingly have over the last two decades, refuse to stay in the closet. It's my bigger hope that one day the closet will not even exist.