Santa Claus is an enabler. And we can't stop the madness.
My family is out of control when it comes to Christmas. Since my sister and I were kids, my parents went all out at Christmas time, especially on presents. This was great when we were young, but it hasn't stopped. Christmas giving is like a crack addiction in my family. It feels good and we can't stop until we run out of money. And my sister and I have become addicted too. We're like the Osbornes whacked out on spiked eggnog.
Every year it's the same. We exchange lists and then we go do each other's shopping. I cringe when I hear those five dreaded words: I need your Christmas list. Then I'm obliged to spend days browsing for things I think I might want. When I do find something online I want I have to quench my desire to put it in my shopping cart right then. You mean I have to wait weeks to maybe get this? Thus Christmas robs me of my Internet given right for instant gratification.
But the worst thing about my family's out of control Yuletide is the sibling rivalry of giving. Each year my sister and I have an unspoken competition to see who can get my parents the "best" gift. It's always below the surface, but palpable after I arrive and disgorge my Christmas booty and place it under the tree. Then she and I stand there pretending to admire the tree but really sizing up each others gifts, wondering which one of us will have delivered "the" gift to Mom and Dad that they will remember.
And she's not above tricking me. I called her one year ahead of time to talk about what we each were getting the folks. I was hoping for a truce. Hell, they even suspend shooting wars sometimes for Christmas. But she's a sneaky Sis, and she led me to believe it was going to be a run of the mill Christmas. So, I show up with my gift wrapped items from Target and Macy's, confident that this year Christmas wouldn't get out of hand. It was not to be. I realized this as my Dad opened a large framed photo of him standing next to my sister, dressed in her cap and gown at her high school graduation, with a poem about the lifelong relationship between a daughter and her father. As the tears rolled down my Father's cheeks I looked at her and thought "fuckin' bitch."
(This year, though, I got her. I realized what to do this summer when I was home and my Dad and I got out the remote control hovercraft that I got my nephew last year that had sat unused since...Christmas. Operating the craft and watching my Dad, I had an epiphany: the Old Man wants toys! So this year I got him a remote control helicopter. Take that, Sis.)
So, we need an intervention. We're in a gift giving binge and Christmas is the trigger.
We don't need the 12 Days of Christmas, we need the 12 Steps of Christmas. Can somebody help? Mr. Grinch, where are we when we need you?
4 comments:
Are you sure we are not related? Stop the insanity already! My family goes through the same thing!!!
I finally hit the brick wall of my budget the second year of having nephews. I simply could not afford to spend money back then on things that may, or may not be appreciated and used. I restricted my spending to Mom and Dad and the kids...told everyone else that I DID NOT want a gift from them and I with no doubt would not be giving them a gift; to spend the cash on the kids instead. Gift giving really has been spiraling out of control for generations and I just want a nice quite Christmas at home with those I love... easier said than done I suppose.
-C
You're the perfect American consumer robot, programmed to think that things = happiness. Happy bankruptcy.
What's got up Anonymous's butt lately that every post you write has to be answered with some holier-than-thou remark?
Anyway, you and your sister crack me up. My two sisters and I can't have any such competition because I'm awesome at picking out great gifts for people and, well -- they don't have a lot of income. So it all works out for the better.
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