DC Ducks

I spent the afternoon yesterday with a friend amongst the tourists and cherry blossoms at the Tidal Basin. Tourist behavior is always interesting to watch, like seeing them break off branches of blossoms and carry them like bouquets or wear them behind their ears (note to visitors, this is not only morally wrong but it's a federal crime).

But the thing that perplexed me is all the photos the tourists were taking of ducks.

They don't have ducks in BFE?

I could understand it if the ducks were sitting on Abe Lincoln's lap in his memorial or taking a crap on the Constitution at the Archives ("Hey, mom, look, a Republican duck!").

But random pictures of ducks in water...I don't get it.

An Easter Parody

If you're easily offended by gay camp or religious mockery, don't watch. This was made by a local theater group here in DC. For extra blasphemy points, the church scene is in St. Matthews, the church where John F. Kennedy's funeral took place and the steps of which was the scene of the famous photo of John-John saluting his father's casket.

Liberty Ave is Not Like This

I'm in Pittsburgh. Staying near Liberty Ave -- you know, where Brian and gang sashayed hip to hip down Liberty Ave to Babylon where Ted would get rejected, Emmett would fall in love, Brian would get his dick sucked and Mickey would get jealous. For five seasons without variation.

So, on a Monday evening what was the real Liberty Ave like?

Grey, dead, depressed. Not a rainbow or feather boa in sight. My guess is, though, had a looked, I probably coulda found a bad wig on a large middle aged waitress in a diner.

Sheesh. Am I gonna have to go to Canada?

I'm here in PA all week. Hmm. Weird how my travel this year -- Nevada, Ohio and now PA -- coincides with the presidential primaries. Hmm....

The Preacher and the Senator

A lot has been said about the Preacher and Obama, but when it comes right down to it the best explanation is still Obama's. If such sentiments as Wright's are "endemic" to the black community, Obama couldn't walk away -- not and represent that part of Chicago in the Illinois Legislature.

Now, that alone makes him an expedient politician. But he doesn't stop there. He thinks it's time to move past the anger of victimization and the words of divisiveness and hate. And he can't lead that effort from outside.

Obama won't end racism in America. But he is a leader uniquely qualified to move us to try and make progress the way no other in this election can.

In Theaters Soon: Hillary in Tuzla

Rated PG -- Pure Gunk.

NYT: McCain Shocker!

The New York Times is shocked, yes shocked(!) that Republican nominee John McCain doesn't talk about his flirtations with leaving the Republican Party:

What Mr. McCain almost never mentions are two extraordinary moments in his political past that are at odds with the candidate of the present: His discussions in 2001 with Democrats about leaving the Republican Party, and his conversations in 2004 with Senator John Kerry about becoming Mr. Kerry’s running mate on the Democratic presidential ticket.

Oh yes, I can see: "My Friends, I'd like to talk about why I'm the conservative candidate for President, but first let me tell you about when I wanted to leave the Republican Party and become John Kerry's lap dog."

It's fair game for a news story but treating like "news" the fact that McCain doesn't bring it up? Gimme a Break.

Don't Blink

This is my son riding his first bike, video courtesy of his mother.

The first thing that flashed through my mind when I saw this was the day of his birth and beholding that flailing, writhing pink, wet fleshy helpless thing for the first time. A blank human, unable to do anything but breathe, eat, cry, pee and poop.

Blink. He recognizes me for the first time. I could see it in his eyes one day changing his diaper. Blink. He laughs. Blink. He begins talking. Blink. He crawls. Blink. We're counting steps. Blink. He's running. Blink. His first bike. A few more blinks and he'll be driving, dating and doing things his dad could only dream of.

Don't Blink.

Two Hours of Obama Bashing

Chris Wallace takes his own FOX News to task:

Your Dildo May be Causing Global Warming

Well, if not global warming it may not be "green" and may in fact be hazardous to your health. The problem is that most are made from PVC-like plastic which environmentalists don't like because of the toxins released during their manufacture or disposal. To make this plastic, um, soft and fleshlike, they add a chemical called phthalates. According to Grist:

In recent years, testing has revealed the potentially serious health impacts of phthalates. Studies on rats and mice

Okay stop right there. I'm picturing a scene in the lab: "Uh, professor? I can't get the little mouse dildo in, the little bugger won't hold still!" I wonder if they made a "lifelike" reproduction from Mickey?

Anyway, the research shows that this chemical can cause cancer and reproductive problems. The phthalates will leach out of the product when exposed to, well, heat and friction, not to mention lipids (i.e., fat). Those of you who scrub your dildos in hot water in bleach may be turning your favorite sex toy into a cancer stick.

What can the horny-but-enviro-and-health conscious-enthusiast do?

Again, according to Grist:

The most ecologically correct choices may be metal or hardened glass dildos -- which, with their elegant, streamlined shapes (and sometimes hefty price tags) can double as modernist sculptures.

"No, mom, that's just a decoration. Please put it back on the bookshelf..."

You can also get a product called the "Solar Vibe," a vibrator wired to a small solar panel. "Excuse me, you're blocking the sun, and I was getting close."

The Solar Vibe would be a great stocking stuffer (wink, wink) for the green members of your family.

I thought briefly that maybe the best option is the real thing...but they come attached to people who must be warmed, cooled, clothed and fed and damn if that doesn't lead to carbon emissions!

For more on greening up your sex life, read this article from Grist.

Forget Your Crosses in Urine

as bad art. How about tying up a dog in your art gallery, let it starve and call it art? That's what this "artist" did.

How could those people calmly walk by?

The Clintons' Angry Black Minister

Okay, he's not actually their pastor, but he's speaking out in support of the Clinton's while calling Obama a "long-legged mac daddy" (apparently, short-legged mac daddies are not as bad) and Obama supporters as worth less than maggots.

Really. And I've never heard a minister use the word "tits" in church before.

Arthur Clarke

R.I.P.

I was never a fan, but his death is the final passing of the golden age of science fiction writing, represented by Mr. Clarke, Isaac Asimov and (my favorite) Robert A. Heinlein.

Start Your Day with a Smile

With Dr. Goldfoot and his Bikini Machine.

Wait for Vincent Price at the end. Priceless. And so gay.

The Speech

1) It was a great speech
2) It won't help him with white middle America
3) But it will with the Super Delegates. I think they were the audience for this address

Jesus

Well, it is Palm Sunday.

Considered by some as blasphemous, Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice's Jesus Christ Superstar does at least one thing brilliantly -- it captures a human, doubting, angry, defiant and ultimately compliant Jesus. And all at once in the moving Garden of Gethsemane "I Only Want to Say" scene (both my favorite part of the Gospel and the Musical).

Some Christians don't like this side of Jesus, but isn't Jesus' humanity sort of like, well the point?

See if chills don't go up your spin at the climatic point in the song when Jesus sings "Die!"

Oh, and hunky disciples in the beginning don't hurt.

Welcome to the Scott-o-Verse

Welcoming two blogs to my blog roll this morning, both by the same blogger -- Shannon! Check out Incompetent Advice (hardly that) and Disaffected Scanner Jockey. In the latter Shannon details her doomed attempt to become a flight attendant for a regional propeller airline:

And I almost forgot about the uniforms. Which you had to pay for yourself. They were made of a fascinating sandpaper/polyester hybrid fabric. The things even smelled flammable. If the plane went down, everyone would die. That's because there would be no flight attendants left to remind people about their seat cushion flotation devices. The attendants and their poly-blend getups would have all combusted at the first spark.

Two Books, Two Ages

I just ordered two books from Amazon. One is "Love and Logic: Magic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years."

The other is "The Age of Miracles: Embracing the New Midlife." The first was recommended by my friend and ubermom, Andrea. The other I found through Curtis.

It seems my son is rebelling against the restraints on his will necessary for the safe growth and development of a three year old. Meanwhile his dad is rebelling against the changes and restraints of middle age.

In his case bribing, reasoning and restraining haven't worked to well. In my case, religion, pharmaceuticals and therapy have likewise failed.

So we'll see what these books have to offer.

Friday Music Game and Looking for Inspiration

I'll play the Friday music game today (where you list the top ten tunes that pop up in random mode on your Ipod) but first a plea:

Send me songs of inspiration or positive reflection. Like Ryan Shupe's Dream Big.

Sometimes my moodiness dips into depression and this is one of those times. Good music will help. Suggestions?

Okay, here's my list:

The Farmer and the Cowman -- Oklahoma (fun b'way tunes count as "inspirational")
We Are the Champions - Queen
Can You Feel the Love Tonight -- Lion King Soundtrack
Express Yourself -- Madonna
Sweet Transvestite -- Rocky Horror Picture Show Soundtrack
Dream Big -- Ryan Shupe
Don't Blink -- Kenny Chesney
Mountains -- Lonestar
Suddenly Seymour -- Little Shop of Horrors Soundtrack
Paradise by the Dashboard Light -- Meatloaf
Rocky Top -- Osborne Brothers

No, No, a Thousand Times No

Both the Clinton and Obama camps have agreed to the 568th Democratic Debate in Philly on the 16th, sponsored by ABC.

Have you no shred of decency, Katie?

Hat tip: Talking Points Memo

A Mighty Wind

Courtesy of Curtis, author Marianne Williamson compares the two democratic presidential candidates:

The ability to inspire new thinking is a more important ability in a leader today, than simply being a "problem-solver." We're always trying to solve something.... solve health care...solve the economy... solve social security, and so forth. Yet according to Carl Jung, our most important problems cannot be solved; they must be outgrown. Just figuring out who has a better plan with which to treat the symptoms of a problem is not the one who ultimately solves it. What we need is someone with a better state of mind, who will lead us to a better state of ours.

Being swept up in Obama's inspirational ability is not naive; thinking inspirational ability doesn't count for much, is in fact naive. For in the ability to inspire lies the ability to command the most powerful forces of all. No plan, no piece of legislation, no Washington strategy or political maneuvering would alone be enough to change the probability vector of America's future. For that, we would need a mighty wind. And a mighty wind now blows.

Read the whole statement.