Thursday, March 20, 2008

Your Dildo May be Causing Global Warming

Well, if not global warming it may not be "green" and may in fact be hazardous to your health. The problem is that most are made from PVC-like plastic which environmentalists don't like because of the toxins released during their manufacture or disposal. To make this plastic, um, soft and fleshlike, they add a chemical called phthalates. According to Grist:

In recent years, testing has revealed the potentially serious health impacts of phthalates. Studies on rats and mice


Okay stop right there. I'm picturing a scene in the lab: "Uh, professor? I can't get the little mouse dildo in, the little bugger won't hold still!" I wonder if they made a "lifelike" reproduction from Mickey?

Anyway, the research shows that this chemical can cause cancer and reproductive problems. The phthalates will leach out of the product when exposed to, well, heat and friction, not to mention lipids (i.e., fat). Those of you who scrub your dildos in hot water in bleach may be turning your favorite sex toy into a cancer stick.

What can the horny-but-enviro-and-health conscious-enthusiast do?

Again, according to Grist:

The most ecologically correct choices may be metal or hardened glass dildos -- which, with their elegant, streamlined shapes (and sometimes hefty price tags) can double as modernist sculptures.

"No, mom, that's just a decoration. Please put it back on the bookshelf..."

You can also get a product called the "Solar Vibe," a vibrator wired to a small solar panel. "Excuse me, you're blocking the sun, and I was getting close."

The Solar Vibe would be a great stocking stuffer (wink, wink) for the green members of your family.

I thought briefly that maybe the best option is the real thing...but they come attached to people who must be warmed, cooled, clothed and fed and damn if that doesn't lead to carbon emissions!

For more on greening up your sex life, read this article from Grist.

2 comments:

Matty said...

Oh my god! So when are you taking this act on the road?

Anonymous said...

This is off-topic from your dildo post, thank god, because I don't DO dildos, but I don't know where else to comment on your profile which, with each passing day, is getting more and more out of sync with you. I mean, how long can you BE 43 (or whatever it was), your son 2.5, and we all know you aren't a consultant anymore and soon won't be the band conductor (congratulations on that run). It appears that a major re-write is in order or else you need to revert to a prior state. Just keeping you honest, as they say at CNN! (Hi Anderson!! You cutie! Why did you have to go and tangle with uncle Charlie (Rose)? And when will THAT story come out, as it were?)
Steve